A Park Avenue Story

New York has, for my money (or pesos), the best live theatre in the states. It also boasts some really odd fare every so often (or every day, really). And if you have some money and time on your hands, anyone can stage a show. But will an audience actually come and see your show? In the case of Cindy Adams, the strikingly unfunny gossip columnist for "The Daily News" here in NY, the answer (I hope) will be a resounding "no."

Here's details of her upcoming one woman show (taken from playbill.com) about her show called Only in New York, named after her "famous" saying she stole from about seventy different media outlets that thought if it before her.

New York Post gossip columnist Cindy Adams will debut her one-woman show, Only in New York, Sept. 29-Oct. 2.

The four benefit performances will be held in the living room of Adams' Park Avenue apartment, and proceeds will benefit The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA), one of Adams' favorite charities and one that she serves as a board member.

Each 7:30 PM performance will seat 50 and will include a post-show question-and-answer session.

Only in New York, according to press notes, will take "audiences through [Adams'] unique and almost-unbelievable journey to become the media's authority figure on all of the celebrity news, gossip, scandals, interviews and scoops that the public can't get enough of. Until now, you only think you've heard everything there is to hear from show biz's most well-connected columnist, but Only in New York will reveal things about your favorite celebrities that have always been kept a secret."

The performance also includes a pre-show tour of Adams' nine-room Park Avenue penthouse.

How weird is that? Not only is her show guaranteed to be lamer than "Lestat" the musical, but she's putting it up in her own living room? 50 people hanging out in her living room while she talks? Not even on a stage. Is there an intermission? If I get up to go to the bathroom, or bolt for the door, will the show stop? Will you say something "oh so witty?" And mostly, will you be offended at the deafening silence each time you tell a "joke?" Watch out for those tumble weeds! And wow! You get a pre-show tour of her nine room Park Avenue Penthouse that you could never, ever afford! WOW! And all for the comfy, nifty price tag of $250 a ticket. Yup, you read that right: $250 a pop. Now I know that it says proceeds go to "ASPCA," but read the fine print here. It says "proceeds" not "all proceeds" or even a specific amount of "proceeds." I'd bet, at most, 5% of the ticket sales will go to "ASPCA." The rest will go to Botox. I don't mean to be cynical here (okay, maybe I do) but is there any real reason for this show? "...the media's authority figure on all celebrity news...?" REALLY?! You write for the NEW YORK POST, The National Enquirer of Newspapers for God's sake! A monkey could write a column for your paper. Call it "EEeehhhh, eeehhhhh EEHH!" and I guarantee it'll hold more laughs and less shit than one of your so called "humorous" anecdotes does. Oh, shitty one person shows. Only in New York Kids, Only in New York... (Wait, I've heard that somewhere before...)

(Cindy Adams, along with her husband Muffy Adams, pictured above)

Remembering...

Christy Henrich was a world class gymnast, but to me she was my brothers fiancee. I was young, still adjusting to being an outcast in school when they met. She made the world always seem better with her amazing smile and wonderful laugh. And her undeniable talent made her a superstar in my eyes. Well, she herself made her a superstar in my eyes. My brother loved her, she loved my brother, and we loved her. In 1989, a judge (who, if they are any kind of an actual "human being" will be haunted from this forever) told Christy that she needed to loose weight if she was ever going to make it to the Olympics. See, Christy missed going to the Olympics the year before by just two spots, and desperately wanted to make it so she took this advice to heart unfortunately. Christy was nothing but pure muscle, and any weight loss would be detrimental. Unfortunately it was.

Over the next few years, Christy's weight begun to fluctuate, minor at first, then widely. She was enveloped by the two eating disorders that had taken over her life, Anorexia and Bulimia. Christy died eight days after her 22nd birthday. Her memory, and her legacy, is remembered to all people around the world, not just by her family and mine, but to her millions and millions of fans globally. Her original balance beam leap was named after her, and my brother plans on one day writing their love story in book form, and telling more about this amazing person who I was privileged to have in my life. I think about Christy all the time, and how I would have loved to have grown up into the person I am today with her around, physically that is. How I would have loved for her to see me become the actor I am today (Her final hospital stay was during my very first play ever in 1994, so the memory of my acting career beginning is a tad bittersweet). She died 15 years ago yesterday. Two things I hold dear: A photo of the two of us dancing at my sisters wedding, and a birthday note she wrote me telling me I was "the little brother she never had but always wanted." We love you Christy, and will hold you dear forever, in our hearts, in our minds, in our lives...