A Park Avenue Story

New York has, for my money (or pesos), the best live theatre in the states. It also boasts some really odd fare every so often (or every day, really). And if you have some money and time on your hands, anyone can stage a show. But will an audience actually come and see your show? In the case of Cindy Adams, the strikingly unfunny gossip columnist for "The Daily News" here in NY, the answer (I hope) will be a resounding "no."

Here's details of her upcoming one woman show (taken from playbill.com) about her show called Only in New York, named after her "famous" saying she stole from about seventy different media outlets that thought if it before her.

New York Post gossip columnist Cindy Adams will debut her one-woman show, Only in New York, Sept. 29-Oct. 2.

The four benefit performances will be held in the living room of Adams' Park Avenue apartment, and proceeds will benefit The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA), one of Adams' favorite charities and one that she serves as a board member.

Each 7:30 PM performance will seat 50 and will include a post-show question-and-answer session.

Only in New York, according to press notes, will take "audiences through [Adams'] unique and almost-unbelievable journey to become the media's authority figure on all of the celebrity news, gossip, scandals, interviews and scoops that the public can't get enough of. Until now, you only think you've heard everything there is to hear from show biz's most well-connected columnist, but Only in New York will reveal things about your favorite celebrities that have always been kept a secret."

The performance also includes a pre-show tour of Adams' nine-room Park Avenue penthouse.

How weird is that? Not only is her show guaranteed to be lamer than "Lestat" the musical, but she's putting it up in her own living room? 50 people hanging out in her living room while she talks? Not even on a stage. Is there an intermission? If I get up to go to the bathroom, or bolt for the door, will the show stop? Will you say something "oh so witty?" And mostly, will you be offended at the deafening silence each time you tell a "joke?" Watch out for those tumble weeds! And wow! You get a pre-show tour of her nine room Park Avenue Penthouse that you could never, ever afford! WOW! And all for the comfy, nifty price tag of $250 a ticket. Yup, you read that right: $250 a pop. Now I know that it says proceeds go to "ASPCA," but read the fine print here. It says "proceeds" not "all proceeds" or even a specific amount of "proceeds." I'd bet, at most, 5% of the ticket sales will go to "ASPCA." The rest will go to Botox. I don't mean to be cynical here (okay, maybe I do) but is there any real reason for this show? "...the media's authority figure on all celebrity news...?" REALLY?! You write for the NEW YORK POST, The National Enquirer of Newspapers for God's sake! A monkey could write a column for your paper. Call it "EEeehhhh, eeehhhhh EEHH!" and I guarantee it'll hold more laughs and less shit than one of your so called "humorous" anecdotes does. Oh, shitty one person shows. Only in New York Kids, Only in New York... (Wait, I've heard that somewhere before...)

(Cindy Adams, along with her husband Muffy Adams, pictured above)